This is the end of me.
My heart has dried up
and I want to be free
of the emotions that
bind me to you.
I believed in good,
It proved to be false.
All that is left is a shell
That God forgot
He is the one that sent me to you.
But I became a cast off
In the very home that I lived
A second hand citizen. No! Worse then that!
I was lower then a slave.
Rebuked when I was happy
Rebuked when I was sad
Nothing I did was right.
I was often lost and searching
Waiting for someone to guide me.
Somehow I learned the truth
But it had nothing to do with you.
It was on my own efforts
that brought life’s lessons
learned the worst way possible.
With blood, bruises, and many a tear
I wept alone among an indifferent crowd.
Sometimes scorned and an object of wrath
I endured your heartless actions.
Yet I always hoped
and always believed
That what you did
was the best for me.
Oh, how wrong I was!
I swallowed the bitterness
Of an ach so large
That breathing became
Sometimes you saw
with that cruel glint in your eyes,
turning away you were satisfied.
Other times you looked away,
pretending that my pain didn’t exist.
So I struggled all alone
Unable to face the way you felt.
I blamed myself for all that was wrong,
When really it was you
who could have made it right.
Now my heart is numb.
I find that I just don’t care.
All I want is to be free
From the shame of being me.
I have read that God can turn
Ugliness into beauty.
But it seems once again I have missed
the hand that gives out blessing.
So instead I watch from afar,
others who have been loved and favored.
I used to beg for crumbs from the Master’s table.
Yet even the crumbs that fall to the ground
are much to good for me.
One thing I have now learned,
It is that life is forever cruel.
God’s foot is hard upon me,
just a worm beneath His feet.
It would have been better
had you never known me
Leave me alone, I beg of you.
all who once took notice of me.
I had reached to high
for what is not mine,
and will be punished for all eternity.
I will wander with a heart of stone
And curse the very breath I breath.
For it is wrong for one such as I
To live when the worthy die.
I will snarl, and hate, and be poison
to all who look on me!
An object of mockery, a vile being.
I will laugh back at you when you leave.