My Dark Future

The feeling of confusion,
Is all I feel these days—
Why am I like this?
Why am I this way?

It hurts so bad,
It hurts so much,
To think of my inevitably
Dark future.

I know what I’ll do.
I know what will happen.
I know you’ll hate me for it,
But please understand it was too much.

It’s just, you see,
This is too much for my small brain
To handle. Too much
For me.

That’s why I’ll end it,
With a jump or two.
All I need is one loose knot,
To me feel free.

Who I Am

The fear making my heart go
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
The fright making my gut go
SLUMP, SLUMP, SLUMP

I told you and we cried,
I told you and we lied,
I told you and I broke you,
I told you and it was new.

Then you betrayed my heart,
My mind, my body, my soul.
You went and told another person,
You tried to make me say no.

But this is who I am,
Someone you obviously hate,
That’s tough, you have to live with it,
Because I’m me and me is great.

I’m not sure what to do now,
Or what will happen in the future.
Some rough, some bumps, some ups and downs,
In the end I’ll be gone.

Forgotten.
Never again remembered.
Gone.
Because I’m what you call a monster.

Haiku

Poet's note: I've been doing so much depressing shit lately, I decided to do something better.

Haikus don't make sense
Not always, at least, to me
Refrigerator

Last person standing

Arrows scream, and fire burns,
Water drowns, to earth returns
The person standing to conquer all,
Another body, another stall.

Walk among debris with arms flung out
Without mercy without doubt
Killing, killing has begun
Victims, enemies, start to run

The fire leaping is your friend
Deathly corpses met their end
Pick through bones and fallen swords
It's you, against all the odds

The medal hangs heavy around your neck
The thousand souls that you collect
Adding your power, multiplying,
The tendrils of power, truly terrifying.

Your sword clashes with another
Finally someone worthy of bother
Sweat and blood trickles down your brow
Tears of pain and victory now

A final blow, just one, so deep
Into your side, a cut, blood leaps,
A final goodbye to what's known of the world
Your beloved wife, your beloved girl

The last man standing finally collapses.
Another warrior in death relapses
A man without feeling, without fear
Takes his place with the drop of a tear

Is this outrageous, asking them to battle?
To walk among kin while old bones rattle?
To kill without mercy, a slice with a landing--
Not too outrageous to the last man standing.

Live Or Die Trying

Some say that's life's a terminal disease
I cannot say that I agree to that
Life is so much more and so amazing
Just open your eyes and you'll see I'm right

My life has changed in oh so many ways
Since last year, when I was torn and broken
I am now whole and happy and alive
I'm living life to fullest and it's great

Last year I though that life won't have a chance
I thought that I would never feel again
Nothing but the bruises left unhealed
As I look back I wish I would've known

Wish I would've known what the future held
Wish I would've guessed I would be healed
Wish I would've known I wouldn't care
Wish I would've known I'd be alive

Now it looks like everything's a dream
Like it's just far too good to be true
Sometimes I still fear I will awake
Into the living nightmare of the past

But why do I still hate my life back then?
Why does my mind fail to let it go?
Why do I keep picking at the scabs?
Why do I relive the pain again?

I guess this poem's nothing but a rant
My mind keeps wandering away
From the poem I'd have liked to write
Which now is nothing but a faded name

I wish I could've found the words to say
Exactly what had scarred me so last year
But writing it would be living the pain
That even after all this time I fear

This poem turned out to be different
Slightly hypocritical, you could say
Because right now I am not quite living
But dying slowly as I try to see.

Loss

Throughout my life, I've always been afraid
Losing someone I loved, seeing them in coffins laid

Throughout my life, I've always lost things
Whether be it treasured, they fall away like feathers from wings

Throughout my life, I've been through loss
Loves and hates, too much they cost

Throughout my life, loss is not something new
In fact it's my friend, helping me through the pews

Throughout my life, the question must always be,
sometimes I wonder, is anyone afraid to lose me?

A late happy birthday wish...

He taught me to never give a fuck about what others think.
He taught me to always chase my dreams,
and fuck the others who are too timid,
or too conformed by society to do so.


He taught me to always live and love,
that there are people out there who understand you.
That there are people out there who love you,
truly truly love you for who you are.


He taught me to respect myself,
to never hurt myself in any way possible.
He taught me many, many, many things.
He is the best teacher ever.

He molded me
and painted me,
from an unsightly, dull, clay vase
to one that is brightly coloured and unique.


I was stuck in society's trap --
a black and white world that was just so drab and dull.
When I longed for something more than the usual screaming and crying,
he gave that to me.

And without him knowing it, he became my hero.

Thank you, Gerard.
Thank you, and happy birthday.
May the years to come be even more successful for you.
Stay happy,
stay snarky,
stay my hero.