Silent But a Sigh

I smile, but it's not quite right
I look around, and hide inside the shadow
I don't feel like I can be beneath the light
I want to linger, not to walk within a meadow.

Leave me be, I say, and think
I just want to sit, and be completely still
I sit and stare and breathe and blink
I let my body do the drill

My mind instead is hallow,
Empty like the sky
I sit and sit and wallow
Silent but a sigh

Lost

Author's Note
I actually wrote this a while back, just so you know... Or at least a week ago? A few days? I'm not sure, but don't worry.
Inspiration likes to hit when I don't feel great xD

I feel like I should breath
But I can't breathe this air
I feel like I should smile
But I can't change my face
I feel like I should explain
But there's nothing I can say
I feel like I should breathe
But I can't breathe this air

I feel like I should sleep
But sleep won't ever come
I feel like I should think
But thinking's just too hard
I feel like I should talk
But there's no one there
I feel like I should breathe
But I can't breathe this air

I feel like I should agree
But how can I do that?
I feel like I should stop
But my body won't
I feel like I should listen to my mind
But my ears don't want to hear
I feel like I should breathe
But I can't breathe this air

I feel like I should live
But that seems somewhat dim
I feel like I should have known
But I guess I didn't want to
I feel like I should give up
But I don't know if I can
I feel like I should breathe
But I can't breathe this air.

Addictions

A shot to kill the pain
A pill to drain the shame
A purge to stop the gain
A cut to break the vein
A smoke to ease the crave
A drink to win the game
An addiction's an addiction,
'Cos it always hurts the same.

Love...

Playing with our white breath
Taking you, my love,
for a ride on my bike,
to go to our secret place.
Sitting down in an empty room,
with you and me, my love,
talking about "What if"s until the morning.
I long for you, my love.
I wish for you.
How many winters have passed since then?
We've seperated.
But the amongst the silly things we said that day,
My love, was,
"What if you were here with me right now?"

Understood?

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare.


Here's a letter to you, so you understand.
You've been torturing me, having fun.
You know me inside out.
You know my fears.
My goals.
My aspirations.
You know me to the very cells in my bones.
And you give me dreams.
Nightmares.
Hauntings.
But, just so you know,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

You make me cry, but that's okay.
You make it so, so tempting.
You know me inside out.
You know my fears.
My goals.
My aspirations.
You know me to the very cells in my bones.
But you don't understand.
Self-harm is not for attention.
It's a silent scream.
It's killing your inner demons.
It's your most terrible thoughts, expressed on your own body.
It's just an addiction.

You don't understand me.
You don't understand what I do.
You know me inside out.
You know my fears.
My goals.
My aspirations.
You know me to the very cells in my bones.
But you can't see the pain you're causing.
People who die by suicide don't want to end their lives.
They just want to end their pain.
The pain you cause me, you cause them.
A temporary solution with a permanent effect.
Things don't need to last forever to be perfect.

Pointless, Poetry Block...

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee.


Authors's note: I was hoping this would give me an idea, well, it didn't... If you want me to delete this post, go ahead..

The middle man

When worlds collide, do humans cry?
Do we save ourselves, do we even try,
To clean the blood that's on our hands,
The blood which stains our seas and lands?
Why do we fire multiple shots
If we know they burn flesh, white hot?
Why do people casually ignore
The cries which penetrate blood and gore?
Why do people quarrel so much?
Why can't we get along and such?
The tears which leave slight traces down
In which innocent people drown.
Are we even innocent to begin,
or are we born for sinners' reign?
Who draws the line between dark and light,
The sun which chases away dark cold nights?
What is right and what is wrong?
The shouts which scream, "Alright, so long!"
They bury me, your cries of anger,
Why do you, your family, mangle?
What's this other purpose you hold,
to fight for "righteousness", is that so gold?
Why do you cry to me and to others,
if your problems are your own, I shudder.
Does it take a death to show,
That what you reap is what you sow?
What you sow is chaos now,
And in the end will chaos bow?
You don't know, and neither do I,
But all I can do is heave a big sigh,
And pray to heaven that it'll all be over.
Come back to me when you've blown your cover.

Silence.

At first, it seemed, there were some cries,
Deceiving minds, whispering lies.
The cut in my wrist to set me free,
Dig deep in blood to find the key.
The timer, ticking, counting down,
The trap to break my delicate crown.
Burning me up, tearing apart,
Crows that call, "GIVE THE FUCK UP!"
Perspiration dripping wet,
It'll be fine, don't break a sweat.
But blood it drips and pain it wrecks
Standing still on a blood-stained deck
The ocean crashes below my feet
The sound, it seems, is so so sweet,
The sharp rocks glint in ocean spray
Salty air and waters pray
Please don't do it, please don't leave.
The lies life tells you has you deceived.
I've had enough, walking to the edge,
Who wants to feel like they're in a cage?
The brilliant sun calls to my soul,
Come, come, away from the world.
I scream and shout as I fall,
Heeding the glorious sun's call.
At first, it seemed, there were some cries.
Deceiving minds, whispering lies.

Traveling

Ruble, rumble of road underneath
Traveling north, south, or east
A bump, a swerve, and go on again
An escapade to write with pencil or pen
The road turns left and so do I
An adventure, I tell you, is ever so nigh!
A mountain sight not far away,
And up over there lies a great, big bay!
Through the trees I see lake,
And crawling by, a great, big snake!
The road takes where it sees fit,
And I love every, little bit!
With big, blue sky or dark and grey,
I love both in every way!
The sights! The seas! The mountains high!
Take me everywhere beneath the sky!

To me

The chill of the night
The full moon's light
The dawn of the day
The sun's lazy ray
The song of the sea-
This is what you are to me.

The early morn dew
The sky, grey or blue
The lightening bolt
The strong, new colt
The sweet, little teddy-
This is what you are to me.

The bright, red rose
The heart-wrenching woes
The white, white snow
The never-ending low
The harbor, so misty-
This is what you are to me.

The scent of rain
The sudden, harsh pain
The stunning thrill
The nothing-but-still
The dreaming silently
This is what you are to me.

The depressing day
The sky of grey
The sad, weeping willow
The hugging of a pillow
The whimpering quietly-
This is what you are to me.

The doubtful present
The past, so pleasant
The future unknown
The shaky alone
The definite lonely-
This is what you are to me.

The confusing curtain
The fear of uncertain
The yes or the no?
The friend or the foe?
The thought of... maybe?
This is what you are to me.

The cloud hasn't lifted
The emotions, not sifted
The roller coaster goes on
The feelings aren't gone
The question- why is he...?
This is what you are to me.

Trust A Poem

A person writes a poem to get a thought across
Perhaps it is love, anger, or loss
Poems are beautiful when they say how you feel
It's always the truth, not fake, but real
If you trust nothing else, trust a poem
If you love a man, this is how you show him
If anger is what you feel, that shines too
It explains what's really true
Poems from these, this group of ours
They're sometimes mournful or filled with flowers
No matter what, they say something true
So write one for me, if you're feeling blue
But don't write a finger-pointing, blaming, scheming, conniving, "this happened so I'm self-righteous" one
Because then, trust me, you'll just get shunned.

Past Tense

Blogland was a place

For one to be themselves

For one to speak their mind

But never hurt another

Blogland was where I

Could be myself completely

Where I knew I was safe

And surrounded by friends

Blogland was the place

I'd go to everyday

To escape my troubles

However small they are

Blogland was that place

Where rules were not required

One never got hurt

Punishment unneeded

People here were friends

Or at least acquaintances

And those who disagreed

Agreed they wouldn't feud

What happened to that place?

Why did it go wrong?

No one is to blame

So stop throwing blame around like it's fucking candy.

Days Away

Do you see the endless blue?

Do you feel the summer heat?

Do you think of me as much as I of you?

Do you look up to the sky,

Think of me and think of how

It's the same part of the sky we're looking at?

Are you happy that you're here?

Are you waiting, just like me,

For the precious day when we will meet again?

Because I am waiting still,

Looking up at every chance,

Just in case that you are looking up as well.

I can't believe how time flies

Months and miles between us

Now just days away...

If I Were Different.

If I were different,
I'd be a Hero,
One with a sword and clanging armour.
I'd be a Surgeon,
One with a scalpel, trying to save lives.
I'd be a Fireman,
With a hose, extinguishing fires.
I'd be a Footballer,
Entertaining Kids, with a football.
I'd be a Comedian, and recite a few jokes.
I'd be a Poet and write great poems.
I'd be an Author, with too many books.
I'd be a Hero,
With a sword and clanging armour,
I'd scale the tower and rescue the princess,
But that's if I were different,
I'm me and that's what counts.

Hear me out.

The spark of thought that comes to mind, 

It is so bright and qualified,
But still It doesnt seem so worth the while.
For when the world moves on,
And while you watch it as it goes by,
It leaves you all alone, left behind.

When you have no more time to think,

The one answer found inside, 

I think its best to leave, 
The thought seems so fine,

So good at once, 

Forever isn't to long to say goodbye.

Forgotten thoughts of those you steal,

Precious moments of lives you conceal,

Hope and fear collide at once,

Mixed reactions upon those who thrust,

Remember this, 

The mightier sword was always the pen,
And the words the pen wrote, 
Were the ones that hurt the most,
They hit you deep down inside your gut,
The destruction of the heart and the failure of trust,
Its all so clear as you see me now,
Hated unwanted, i shall now vow.


Leaving is stupid, cos you'll come back,
I won't leave, not till justice is done.
Till everything's sorted,
And you can go home,
When everyone's happy and can laugh again,
When everything, is F.U.N.

The song

A hymn, a song, sung by angels,
Supposedly divine, a chorus echoes.
Resonating words, repeated each;
Peace and love, love and peace.

Battered wings, lining the pews,
Heaven or hell, they can choose,
The song, the hymn, sung in fear
Brainwashed white, they cry silent tears.

The rebellious angels cast out of heaven,
Called rude names, "exiled", "heathen",
They opposed the song and their ways,
Giving up paradise to live free days.

But no, guilt weighs their torn up wings,
Down to earth, like lightning they fling,
Cursed to bleed forever without,
Strive on, eternally, no time to pout.

Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts,
Not of battles and bloody wars fought.
To be yourself comes at a price,
A cost too high most might think thrice.

But these young saints grab with both hands,
The eagerness with which the rules they bend,
To add vibrant colour to alabaster stains,
Disregarding all the pain.

And so you see, the song is so,
A timely chorus, a perfect flow,
Washed with saline tears,
Drowning beneath their own fears.

Angels sing for one single reason,
Far worse than being accused for treason.
Deny the sun and refuse the rain,
They don't have lungs to scream in pain.

Mirror, mirror

Mirror, mirror, on my wall,
I just want to be thin, pretty and tall.

Mirror, mirror, if I change my hair,
maybe someone will start to care?

Mirror, mirror, if I starve myself,
at least I'll be beautiful, nevermind my health.

Mirror, mirror, if I cut my wrist,
will I feel like I exist?

Mirror, mirror, don't you see?
what you show is ruining me.

Far too long it had watched her cry,
so the mirror decided to reply.

What you think you see, it isn't true,
the misery is found inside of you.

Don't lock yourself in a broken soul
or I promise you, one day, you'll lose control.

Poet's note: It's not very long, just something I thought of but couldn't write down. I have another poem that I need to finish.

Trust in love-foolish hope

I put my trust in love, I dared to hope,
But now I know, my heart is dashed,
Break apart on despair, allow myself to drift,
As I am washed around the edges of the pit,
Broken sorrows and jagged truth,
Love is cruel and hope is pain,
Drowning in the loveless rain.

Dedicated to Isabella Midnight.

Family is such  a wonderful thing,
Friendship even greater.
Standing strong through the bonds of love,
Across the continents with glee,
You know you have such good friends as these.
Friends that have become family,
Even though you may not know it,
You can't pick your family,
Thats why you got stuck with a mad yolk like me,
When times get tough we'll open up our hearts,
Welcome you with open arms,
I hope you know this:
We love you Is.