Wednesday, 12 December 2012

To live, to love

I cannot live and love a lie,
Because love is non-existent.
I can't learn, by and by,
because my mind refuses.
My heart is burnt and torn in two
If I can't love myself, how can anyone love me?
Love is not real. Not to me.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Blood is red,
Corpses are blue.
I'm emotionally unstable.
Love me.


Poet's note: It took a long time to get around to finishing this, but here it is! It's a rubbish poem >.>

A warm room, lit by pale yellow lights.
She sits, and through her hair she peeks.
Her parents laugh and talk and joke,
But she sits, tears staining her cheeks.

A warm room, lit by bright white lights.
She lies, back down, hair fanned out.
Her parents frown at the rising cost.
But to save her life, they must hold out.

A cold room, lit by dim red lights.
She stands, face down, hands by side.
Her parents are not here anymore.
But to survive here, she must abide.

A cold street, lit by dim streetlamps.
She walks, face against the cold.
It's dark, and she's scared.
She's defied what she's been told.

A few years pass, watching her grow,
Physically, mentally maturing.
And now, on her own,
She lives, although always running.

Another few years, and her parents die.
She doesn't drop a tear.
Instead she smiles, remembering.
Memories she'd never hold dear.

She walks out the funeral, dressed in black,
She's walking without weeping.
Who's laughing now? she wonders.
Who's laughing?

Saturday, 8 December 2012

Not Applicable

I passed away on a Sunday
My parents didn't answer
When I called for help.
They were in church,
In their nice clothes,
Praying to God
About more important things.

Friday, 2 November 2012

Someone Too Come Looking For Me

* This is not my best poem but I don't care. It is one that needed to be written and came from a dark place in my heart and memories. I cannot mess with it too much to make it pretty and flowing. I can't mess with my memories and feelings that way. Sorry.


 Once I ran away from home,

Far away from the anger and

Hatred hurled cruelly at me

For simply being in the way

And wanting to be equal too.

But no one even noticed I was gone.

No one was upset at my pain

Then I found out someone did read my note

But it was cast aside easily and they moved on

And no one came to look for me.

No one

Not one

Once I was lost and looking for my home

Panicked I cried out the one name

That should have brought comfort

But the name mother stopped

Halfway through my lips

When I realized this person

Since long ago turned away

Always when I needed comfort most

In fact she was the one

Who actually initiated the pain

Under the knowledge of my father

Who sternly glared at me

With a promise if I so much let out a cry

My backside he would whip

So as I sat lost in the dark

Quiet, loneliness my only companion

I dreamed of a home where I can go

Lite up warmly with lights

That resembled jewels on a crown

Inviting, cozy, a place of my own

Like a hug to replace

All the hugs from parents

That I never got

Cold reality sets in as I realize

I am lost and alone

And there is no one looking for me.

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Rant. Sorry.

Is nothing I do ever enough for you?
Such high expectations, of course I wouldn't be able to reach them.
What were you thinking, setting that bar so high??
I'm not as perfect as you make me out to be.

I might be bright and creative but that doesn't make me intelligent.
I'm failing all my tests, aren't I?
Well, failing by your standards; below 70%.

The thing is, I know I'm clever.
Always have, thanks to my parents constantly reminding me.

This all makes me feel so stupid!
What am I worth, if I'm not clever?
My entire self is based on the fact that I'm cleverer than most.
Is my entire self based on a lie?

I'm just pretty freaking pissed off at myself right now.

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

A promise

A love that won't die,
A lean-to or crutch,
A kiss on broken brows,
A lingering, soft touch.

The prophecy of complex life,
A promise of love.
To live, to breathe, to laugh.
A mouth, set to curve.

Hands, holding; hair, blowing
Tears wiped away.
A promise that won't break.
You'll soon be okay.

Your life is broken,
your soul, contrite;
But if I'm with you,
then everything's alright.

We can run away, live forever,
Finally, be happy.
Create lives that we want,
Dreams that come true.

Although I can't promise that
things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012


When the freezing night descends,
When crystal chandeliers dim and gray,
When darkness rains upon them,
The ghosts will dance and sway.

When the moonlight drifts below,
When wind moans and whispers foul,
When the forest call her beasts,
The werewolves roam and howl.

When the wizards walk the streets,
When the witches laugh and scream,
When monsters crawl and limp and creep,
Know, my friend, this night is Halloween.

Sunday, 21 October 2012

Found This Quote, Had to Show You!

"Poetry is the province either of one who is naturally clever, or of one who is insane."
 Oh, Aristole. You know us too well.

Monday, 15 October 2012


To you, they're just a band.
They just play music.
They are a bunch of tattooed freaks.

But to me, they are the reason that I still breathe.
They are the only hope I have when everything has fallen apart.
They are the bright light in the otherwise pitch dark.
Their message, their music, their lyrics pick me up out of my hopelessness.
The fact they have accomplished their goals,
that they have over come much of what I have to suffer through...
Well, that makes me believe in a future.

To you, it may be stupid to cry when you see them live,
or when you meet them for the first time.

But for me, it's like coming face to face with the hero that saved my life.

Go ahead and look at me as an obsessed, crazed fan.
Tell me I'm fucking weird, that I need to get a life.
But they will always, always be my heroes.
They will always be the band that saved me.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

The Faces of Night and Day

The deep night doubt at dusk demands
    Its claim to time and twitch and trance;
    From soul's serenity it takes its stance,
Splintering the place of peace of plans;
Marring, scarring, molten ashes, masks melting 'way;
Grimacing, crying, heart-felt glaring, grin turning gray.

The time it takes til turn hath passed;
    Showing, sharing the face that squints and shies;
    Blistering, swearing the lips that lisp and lie.
Going strong- good as a dog- with each word gasped;
Shaking, hurting, proverbial howling, at the harvest of humanity;
Prodding, fracturing, frenzied panicking, at the frailest of fragility.

It takes its toll til dreams are trapped,
    Nagging and bragging through the night,
    Fearing and fleeing the coming light;
When riling by, the restless rest with knuckles rapped,
Sending, flying, relentlessly sighing, slipping from sobriety;
Drifting, wading, even disappearing, dangling from the Deity.

Until auburn waves amble awake,
    And the scarlet hope of dawn begins,
    Dismissing watery tears and fears within;
For the sacred masks don't slip for sake,
Showing, exciting, especially shining, free with words;
Breaking, escaping, eventually bantering, flying as 'prisoned birds.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

A Silence

If only I knew what a silence could hold...
A silence, as is, not a part of a whole.
It could be many things, with context involved:

A secret witheld,

A lover's embrace,

A calm before storms.

A desparate flee,
From what you don't know,
And try to keep out.

The fear to speak out,
And say the unsaid,
Reaction unknown.

A hand on your mouth,
You want to scream out,
But no sound escapes.

But what is a silence, a stand alone term?
The lack of all sound, or perhaps, something more?
Maybe, each one defines it alone.

For me it means him,
To stare in his eyes,
With him staring back,
And then, my eyes close,
The silence - complete.

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Too Much To Write

Do you ever find
     Too much to write for?
Too much to do-
     No time to do it.
Day in, day out
     Slipping away...
Gone with the inspiration.
     Flooding that void
Where forgotten ideas rest;
     Having nothing to do,
But sleep in silent peace.
     Lost to the human world,
Born to the imagination.
     Beyond our reach,
But daily in the reach of others.

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Everything's alright

Short steps
Deep breaths
Everything is alright
Chin up
I can't
Step into the spotlight
She said
I'm sad
Somehow without any words
I just
Stood there
Searching for an answer

When this world is no more
The moon is all we'll see
I'll ask you To fly away with me
Until the stars all fall down
They empty from the sky
But I don't mind If you're with me
Then everything's alright

Why do
My words
Always lose their meaning
What I feel
What I say
There's such a rift between them
He said
I can't
Really seem to read you
I just
Stood there
Never know what I should do

When this world is no more
The moon is all we'll see
I'll ask you
To fly away with me
Until the stars all fall down
They empty from the sky
But I don't mind
If you're with me
Then everything's alright

If you're with me
Then everything's alright

Wednesday, 12 September 2012


Robyns, squirrels- life is everywhere;
And the even blue sky looks at me-
There, a crimson moon- I stare-
And I'm so glad I see.

A bell rings- a message from a friend,
And an owl's cry I fear-
Listening in the night to the gentle wind;
And I'm so glad I hear.

Mountains shake me from above,
And everything I touch is so real,
But a hand brushing mine is love-
And I'm so glad I feel.

Tuesday, 11 September 2012


Dressed properly, a red bow gleams;
She's so different from what she seems.
Her parents think she's all okay,
But her mind is lost so far away.
They talk to her with mindless words,
She nods quietly, process reversed.
Her parents think her head is fine
But she does owns a broken mind.
Her dull eyes hide a frightened soul
They are but pale windows.
She wears white and pastel pink
Adorning even, a little mink
She smiles and nods, a display
Her parents think she's all okay.
But little do her parents know
they lost their daughter years ago.

I'm fine.

Fucked up
I told you, I'm fine.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Daisies Make Me Smile

Noticing how different everybody is,
I still realize no matter what, all the while,
There's something here for everyone;
And me? Daisies make me smile.

And it makes me wonder about life.
What's the world to do?
Listing to such things she does?
Knowing full well there's laughter ringing through and through.

Ah, but what's humanity without her strife?
Choking, forbearing, insufferable the while,
Still, I shout out to the simple lov-el-lies of life,
Because for me? Daisies make me smile.

Saturday, 8 September 2012

Through the Trees

Water sits in murky lakes;
Defiantly, it sits and waits,
Until the moon at last is done,
And through the trees, it sees the sun;
It awakes and sparkles bright,
Dancing gaily for the light;
And shining down upon its sea,
The sun ignites so brilliantly,
And this new day that God has given
Is one more gift from high in Heaven.

Wednesday, 5 September 2012


Sitting by the sunset,
Sharing in its glow.
Having no regrets,
But dreaming of tomorrow.

A breeze brushes passed-
Moaning, filled with sorrow-
A soul is free at last,
But I still dream about tomorrow.

The sunset dims to darkness,
And something fills the hollow;
So I smile in the ghostly mists
As I dream about tomorrow.

Tuesday, 4 September 2012


Felix was a giant,
The youngest of his family-
But even the very smallest,
Is twice the size of me.

But his brothers called him Shorty,
His sisters named him too,
But he's warned us little humans,
"That's Leviathan to you."

Friday, 31 August 2012

Hey, there!

Hey there, Hidey Ho.
Little girl, with her smiling doe.
Hey there, Hidey Ho.
Little boy, swinging to and fro.
Hey there, Hidey Ho.
Old lady, with a bow.
Hey there, Hidey Ho.
Old man, on a bench.
Hey there, Hidey Ho.
Bar girl, called a wench.
Hey there, Hidey Ho.
This is pointless, I know.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Close of a Day

The sun setting is almost sad-
The light fades... something is ending...,
But the colors paint the sky,
And it's the stars God's sending...

The closing of a day,
The sky an infinite maroon!
The blues drip and melt,
And sparkles glitter with the moon...

The last bit of crimson fades,
A blanket of purple lay;
And it's beautiful-
The close of another day.

Why You Cried

If you ache inside,
Wait a moment,
Take a stride,
And maybe, just maybe,
You'll find the reason why you cried.

My Relief

The knife in my heart-
Put there by the ones that pulled it out-
I was confused from the start,
But always thought I would be strong...
I guess that's only part...

My sin and my salvation;
It's awful when you know the truth,
But could I find a new conclusion?
No, what's real is real, and this is it-
This, the purpose for my execution.

I just can't breathe;
The knife is bleeding out my life,
But I can't leave...
So I stay with the dagger in my heart...
I guess death will be my relief.

I Smile

Have you ever seen the sunrise?
Orange, purple, yellow paint the sky,
Waving the moon and stars goodbye!
And the magic is the reason why...
I smile.

I once listened to a thunderstorm-
Lashing rain and flashing through the night;
It rumbled and wept til the morn...
"And then there was light..."
I smile.

Standing on a sandy seashore,
Dusk setting in with a chilling breeze;
The silence... beautiful... The ocean even more...,
And the peace there is hard to believe.
I smile.

Just sitting at home all alone,
A book, a comfortable chair,
An average day I have to my own,
Running my hand through my hair,
I smile.


All I have is words-
Flying like birds,
Spoken to the wind;
Murmured again and again,
Brushed passed in a river,
Flowing away forever;
Receding through the sea;
Whipped away and flying free!
Dissipating like mist...
The memory of a kiss...
All I have is words,
But if you want them, they're yours.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

My Wolf, My Angel

Shiver from the cold
Blue eyes, like crystals
Stare at me from the woods
Frozen still, watching
Shakes its head, wanders off
My wolf.
My guardian.
My angel.

A Book

A/N This was written while listening to a song by ThePianoGuys. Recently, I seem to find inspiration from them. :]

A book, the scent of age and knowledge;
A loving hand, gentle, holding close;
A window, brightly portraying autumn foliage;
A page, kept by a single, ancient rose;

A love, never forgot but long, long lost;
A book, the gift from one akin to another-
The last, cherished at such a cost;
She would never love another.

Just Smile

A/N Composed while listening to ThePianoGuys's "The Cello Song"
It's absolutely beautiful. I suggest listening :3

Morning light,
Shining all the while
I wake up,
And I just want to smile.

White, ice snow,
Gathered in a pile
Snow angels!
And I just want to smile.

A rainy day,
I have to walk a mile
I see it glisten,
And I just want to smile.

A garden,
I walk each and every aisle
Flowers, butterflies,
And I just want to smile.

The average, every day,
The same, all the while
But why should it be average?
So I decide to smile.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

The Werewolf

A/N Composed while listening to ThePianoGuys's "Moonlight"
~highly recommends ThePianoGuys~

Moonlight shines,
Drips like ice cold snow,
Lighting your way through shivering woods;
The only place, your place to go

Wind breezes past,
Bringing the scent of earth,
There, a stream of crystal diamonds;
This is your place, your place of birth

Wolves howl distantly,
Calling your desires achingly,
A ragged breath tears out, you fall to your paws;
You go, howling back, running free

The Werewolf

Saturday, 11 August 2012


When was the last time that we both felt love?
Did we lose the things that made us smile everyday?
I'm scared, I can't come close to you anymore.
And that's why I buried myself so far away.

I was scared, I was lost and you weren't here for me.
That's when I lied and said that "I'm fine".
You were already safe in someone's heart.
Even though, sometimes I wished it were mine.

Forever, I will stay,
If we can, we must try.
I will never leave your side...
Until the end of time.
Here I am, holding out my hand,
I'm reaching for you.

I sometimes find myself daydreaming,
Yearning to be in your arms, to feel your heartbeat.
But those dreams are quickly shattered, broken,
By the cold emptiness that rains on me in sheets.

Forever, I will stay,
If we can, we must try.
I will never leave your side...
Until the end of time.
Here I am, holding out my hand,
I'm reaching for you.

Friday, 10 August 2012


They say, life has many paths.
The sad, the broken,
The dreamy, the loved.

They say, you must be happy.
Even if you sacrifice,
Even if you break hearts.

They say, you can lose everything.
Even if you think you have it all.
Even if you think you're happy.

You do things because you want to be happy,
But you end up hurting people.
But you end up breaking people.

You do things for people who you love,
But you might just be lost in the past.
But you might just be lost in what you've done.

They say, life has many paths.
The sad, the broken,
The dreamy, the loved.

They say a rose represents love.
But what if it means something else?
But what if it represents fate?

Petals dropped, become wounds.
The red, seeping blood.
The red, dripping love.

They say, fate doesn't exist.
But you know it does.
But you know it lives.

But you know, your fate might be up to one small little girl,
Holding your fate in her hands.
Holding, along with a red rose.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012


We've all felt it.
You're up late.
Working, studying, watching a movie, reading on the computer.
Doesn't matter what you're doing, it's the feeling you get.
You're tired, your eyes burn and have the gritty feeling you get after not sleeping for a while.

You can't crawl into bed right now, but close your eyes for a couple of minutes?
Try to get a little moisture back into your eyes.
That couldn't hurt anything, right?

Then you're falling.
Like stepping off a cliff, you're in free fall, though your body isn't even moving.

Then like a bungee cord snapping back, you're jerking awake.
Your heart is thumping a little faster, blinking quickly and wondering what happened.

Doctors call it a hypnagogic jerk.
A natural reaction, they say, to your brain thinking your dying,
When your heartrate and breathing slow as you fall asleep.

What they don't know is, your brain is right.
Every time you let yourself nod off,
Every time you feel that 'falling' sensation,
you're not falling.
You're being pulled down.

And one day, your brain won't be able to pull you back up.


I need to get out of here.
Go, go somewhere where people don't know I exist.
Where people don't know my lies,
Where people don't know my face.

I need to get out of here.
Away, away from this world, where I suffocate.
Where I drown in the lies.
Where I burn in the flames.

I need to get out of here.
Build, build a living where I can start again.
Where I can redo my life.
Where I can be perfect.

I need to get out of here.
Out, out of my head, where the voices are.
Where the voices scream.
Where I scream.

I need to get out of here.
And let, let the tears of blood fall slowly,
Let my blood trickle slowly.
Let my pain fade away.

I need to get out of here.
Go, go somewhere where I don't ever have to say sorry.
Where I don't ever have to be hit.
Where I don't ever have to cry.

I need to get out of here.
Go, go to a utopia where I don't have to bleed to feel alive.
Where I don't have to hurt to feel alive.
Where I don't need to cry to feel alive.

I will get out of here.
Gone, gone to a world where I can smile.
Where my mind is quiet.
Where I am dead.

I am out of here.
Gone, gone.

Monday, 6 August 2012


I blew bubbles, watching the colourful spheres float away.
When was the last time I felt so happy?
What was the last time I felt so happy?
Behind the serious face you hold a smile.
I blew bubbles into your face, giggling,
light-headed, blushing, smiling.
And you get up, taking the wand from me.
I watch you, as you blew them back,
your sweet breath now, I lack.
How long has it been, since I first fell in love?
In love with you, in love for you.
You broke forth with a smile too.
Falling, faster than ever.
You've gone through two girls while I've been here.
How long more will you burst my bubbles?
I've loved you, and you haven't known.
How long more will you hold my delicate dreams in your hands?
Those smooth, worn hands I long to hold.
How long more will you keep me lovesick?

A Place Where We're Free

A place in the world
For you and for me
A place to unwind
To live and to be
To talk and to listen
A place where we're free
A place in the world
Where everything's us
A place to relax
To do what we want, without any fuss
A place that is love
Where everything's trust
A place in the world
A place to escape to
To talk and to listen
A place when you're blue
To do what you want
A place just for you
A place in the world
It's just what I need
A place that is me
To sit and to bleed
To lick my wounds clean
It's just what you need
A place in the world
For you and for me
A place to unwind
To live and to be
To talk and to listen
A place where we're free

Saturday, 4 August 2012


How far can you go for love?
Even if you know you'll have nothing in the end...
Living for that vision, breathing for the memory of that face.
Every heartbeat brings you closer to what you'll never have.
Never see, never touch, never stop craving.
An everlasting pilgrimage to nowhere.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

True love

Women are women,
regardless of sex,
Men are men,
In the same respects,
You can be both,
or a mix of the two
Or you can be neither,
If that's what suits you.
But people are people,
whatever their parts,
And what really matters,
is inside out hearts.


You're having a hard day.
You've flunked your tests.
Your assignment is late.
You're being screamed at.
You dread the lash of scolding.
You've had a hard day.
You don't want to go on.
You need the pain, the drugs.
The alcohol, the intoxicants.
You hate life, and you just want to end it.
Close your eyes.
And clench your right hand,
into a fist.
As hard as possible.
Now let go,
extend your fingers,
and place them over your heart.
Feel that?
That's called purpose.
You're alive for a reason.
Don't give up.

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Little Lone Tree

I see you standing,
Little lone tree,
By yourself,
Do you wish to flee?

We are alike,
Little lone tree,
In the way, I too,
Wish to be an escapee.

The leaves your bear,
Little lone tree,
Are few, not many,
But they so suit thee.

I am the same,
Little lone tree,
But my leaves are friends,
And they are few, I decree!

Your body is skinny,
Little lone tree,
Which makes me wonder,
When you will be free.

My body, like yours,
Little lone tree,
Is slight, not much,
Because I always pee.

I see you hurting,
Little lone tree,
And I wish to help,
Yet I let it be.

But don’t you worry,
Little lone tree,
You’ll pull through,
Just like me.

Because, you and I,
Little lone tree,
We stand tall,
Proud as can be.

Any other

Tonight is one of those nights.
You know what I'm talking about.
You close the door behind you
And numbly lock it shut.
You stare at your hands
for long, long minutes before finally breaking.
You gasp for breath.
Silently sobbing,
sobbing about everything that went wrong all at once.
Everything that is wrong with you and the world.
Everything that you just can't deal with.
Then you deal with it the only way you know how,
without physically hurting yourself too much.
You take deep, exhausted, shuddering breaths
as you quietly cry yourself to sleep.
The next morning,
you wake up.
Huddled in a corner of your bed with a sore neck
and a pounding headache.
So you get out of bed just like any other morning.


I'm tired of smiling when I'm sad
I'm tired of laughing when I'm mad
I'm tired of hiding the real me
But I'm too scared of what others will see.


You know that feeling?
When you're just waiting,
Waiting to get home, into your room,
Close the door, fall into bed,
And just let everything out that you kept in all day,
That feeling of both relief and desperation.
Nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right either.
And you're tired.
Tired of everything, tired of nothing.
And you just want someone to
Be there and tell you it's okay.
But no one's going to be there...
And you know you have to be strong,
for yourself, because no one can fix you.
But you're tired of waiting.
Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else.
Tired of being strong.
And for once, you just want it to be easy.
To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.
But you know you won't be.
And you're still hoping.
Still wishing.
Still staying strong and fighting,
with tears in your eyes.
You have to keep fighting.

Are You Smiling?

Are you smiling?

What is life?

Are you thinking?

What's the point?

Are you curious?

Why you're here?

Are you smiling?

Is there a purpose?

Are you shining?

What is life?

Are you laughing?

You're ok?

Are you grinning?

Who isn't?

Are you smiling?

Wavering Blogandians

All around, people smile;
Everywhere a grinning face,
In the crowd all the while-
Simply lost in this place!

You turn your back,
You look away;
You close your eyes-
You cannot stay.

Laughing voices fill your ears,
A gentle hand reaches out,
But you grimace, hiding tears
Your mind so full of thoughts of doubt

You look back and see their faces-
Down-turned lips and hurting eyes-
You grab your pack,
You mumble some goodbyes.

It's right, you think you know;
You don't belong inside their land:
It's time, you say, to go-
This is what you've planned.

To the exit door you trudge,
Your eyes, staring at the floor,
You feel their looks and hurry on
You lift your eyes and see the door!

Silence makes you feel so small,
But then a whisper murmurs low,
And a thousand join the call-
A roar that simply tells you, "No!"

They declare that you belong here-
They ask you.... Stay...
A thousand voices yell at you,
Pleading, never go away!

You pause, though, unsure
Why would they even want you?
You frown, confused to your core-
What on earth are you to do?

Then a voice calls out a plea,
And another speaks your name.
You realize... This has always been your family...
This is your home, all the same!

A smile spreads across your face,
And you grab the nearest hand!
They pull you in, the laughing mob-
You belong here in this land!

You always did and ever will!
A grin has kindled on your face;
You watch them laughing, sitting still;
And you know you're loved inside this place!

You belong, you really do!
You talk or watch contentedly;
This world of theirs, well it's yours too!
This is your home; they are your family!

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

War Poem I

Throw down your arms,
Leave the battlefield fray,
Get to cover and run,
'Til you're out of harm's way.

Find a bunker and rest,
Rest assured you'll be fine,
Put this war to the test,
With intentions divine.

Just sit tight for a day,
In a day we will win,
There'll be peace in the world,
And new life can begin…

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

A summer night
Without you here
Without you near
The air stands still
The sky's still blue
I think of you
It's seven months
And yet it seems
It's just a dream
A perfect dream
That doesn't end
You're my godsend
It's been a week
Since our goodbye
I still deny
We're still apart
With all my heart

I love you.

Monday, 23 July 2012


I draw a blank.
The line on the screen blinks,
It waits, like an animal.
It waits for my response.
I scream and slam, down on the keyboard.
The screen splutters.
I pant, keys around me, hair in my face.
I scream again and race my fists towards the board.
I vent my anger.
And I cry.
I cry, and I moan like the dead.
And finally, I look up to the screen.
That darkening screen.
And a word, it glares in the darkness.
It glares at me, and I stare back,


Chop me up and wear my skin,
teach me how to live,
When darkness is all that's left of me
My smile becomes what I want to be.
This poem written in blood, insanity,
Irregular heartbeats sound.
I don't understand.
A mind snapped, a heart broken.
Wings are torn and bodies are trampled.
What I say is what I see,
No doubt I say no hypocrisy.
We're not living for long,
so just fly with me, die with me.
I get high off the fumes in my head,
A closed-eyed vision is what I project.
Swirling darkness engulfs me,
and shadows kick me,
like I'm just some other toy.
A toy.
Toys are meant to be played with,
then casted aside when the player gets bored.
I long for it.
Even if it's pain, I long for sensations.
My mind has snapped.
I sit, and laugh, and sit, and laugh.
I slit, and laugh, and slit, and laugh.
It's the blood that keeps me from sleeping.
Don't close your eyes, and you'll never die.
My mind has snapped.
Your slips and slurs and play on words
The swirl in my head.
You confuse me.
You spill my blood.
You are the cause of my misery.
You are a hypocrite.
And in the toughest times you vowed
To stay, right here by my side,
But where are you now?
Where are you when I need you?
You've disappeared into the shadows.
Waiting, waiting for me to die.
My mind has snapped.

Friday, 20 July 2012

Whispering words

Open your eyes.
You are not made up of those words that
hurt you. Or that number on the scale. Or
the expectations you feel you will never meet.
You are made up of nothing more than you.
Simple, beautifully, wonderfully, uniquely you.
You are a lovely and complex soul.
An individually fascinating combination of
thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions.
No other is as beautiful as you.
Look past the mirror.
Look at your soul.
Only then will you see yourself as you truly are;
So smile! And don't forget to
Love yourself.

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Don't Say Goodbye

This is a poem I wrote ages ago, for Pyro. This was before we became a couple. *grins* I wish I had known the future in my heart was just about to start.... :3

Don't say goodbye, don't fall asleep
Unless it is to dream
Of better odds, of better chances
For us to meet again

Just sit and smile, that's all I need
To brighten up my day
Talking's just a privelage
I take pleasure in

So much in common, so far apart
How could this ever work?
Nothing can be worse than this;
A hidden, longing thought

For you are all I think of
Wen a smile lights up my eyes
You are all I think of
So don't ever say goodbye.

Monday, 16 July 2012

Ode To A Frog

*this is a poem for Lyd and was writtenas an example of terrible ridiculous poetry that she coulld also write and then recite it to her "nagging" mother and follower her around nonstop. Sort of paying back for all those nagging times. :P Flame came on and finished the poem for me with the last two lines.

Oh frog out in yonder pond,

How doth thy legs carry you

As you leap along

With the pitter patter of my heart

It carries a rhythm as I fart

Trotting along as I doith run

I vow to catch you

Before the day is done

Oh little slimy feller

All dressed up in green

Oh how I can see it hangin',

You're small cute peen

Sonnet of Summer

Never did I think it could be better
Never did I think our love would deepen
And yet our days together proved me wrong
It's better than all of my wildest dreams

And I've had dreams so vivid I believed
They were reality but when I woke
The details somehow always slipped away
But now I get to live my dreams with you

I love the way you hold me in your arms
I love the perfect silences we share
I love that there's no catch between us now
But most of all the one I love is you

Sometimes I think you just don't realize
The strength and power of my love to you
But then there are those moments that I see
You know and feel that love to me as well.

Wednesday, 11 July 2012


Happiness is twofold, simple joy and then contentedness fills in the gaps,
Getting satisfaction from the work that you do well, or the joy that comes from loving someone and having them love you back....

Happiness is dreaming sweetly, spiralling through cloudy forests, butterdream and other meaningless joyfulness.

But can a person be truly content,
With their life at every single turn and event,
Well I say yes, one can always have happiness.

Saturday, 7 July 2012


Tracing my finger along the walls,
Walking down hallways, to me Death calls,
It curves and curves and never stops.
The sky is dotted with flying flocks.
Mossy bricks that try to hold
The soul in which this body sold.
I'm just a shell, a sleeping dead,
Inside the coffin just lies my head.
Flickering torches that paint walls white,
Green that bounces off green moss' light.
The hallway comes to a straight line,
I walk forwards, seeing death dine
On dead bodies and tortured souls
In forms of smoky wisps in bowls.
He beckons me with a crooked touch
My chin within his small fingers clasped.
His hollow eyes on mine are trained
He shakes with pleasure of a soul gained.
But something stops him, holds him back,
In his mouth, my soul he lacks,
"It's not real," his voice rasps to me.
He gave it back, and let it be.
Before I went out of that hall,
I turned again, to Death's call.
Right behind me, his black clothes swirl,
"Don't go yet, not yet, girl."
I stared at him with hollow eyes,
Eyes that have been through so many trials.
His last words have stuck with me,
A pledge to life I'd never see.
"I set you free from where I lain,
Just live and breathe, and don't die again."

Sunday, 1 July 2012


I wanted to do something quick and simple, so I didn't bother to rhyme. I'll try harder next time :D

I can stop time.

I can stop the sun, moon and stars,

I can stop the waterfalls and volcanoes,
The rain, snow and wind,
The flowers and the trees.

I can stop all the bad in the world,
All the poverty and starvation,
All the rape and murder.
I can stop all the war,
All the violence, all the hate,
The sadness.

I can stop all the good,
All the beauty and kindness.
I can stop the sound of laughter,
The taste of food,
The smiles.
I can stop all the discoveries,
All the good memories,
All the love.

But I can’t decide if I should,
Because if I did, then it would all stop.

So I will grow old,
Because I can’t stop time.

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Silent But a Sigh

I smile, but it's not quite right
I look around, and hide inside the shadow
I don't feel like I can be beneath the light
I want to linger, not to walk within a meadow.

Leave me be, I say, and think
I just want to sit, and be completely still
I sit and stare and breathe and blink
I let my body do the drill

My mind instead is hallow,
Empty like the sky
I sit and sit and wallow
Silent but a sigh


Author's Note
I actually wrote this a while back, just so you know... Or at least a week ago? A few days? I'm not sure, but don't worry.
Inspiration likes to hit when I don't feel great xD

I feel like I should breath
But I can't breathe this air
I feel like I should smile
But I can't change my face
I feel like I should explain
But there's nothing I can say
I feel like I should breathe
But I can't breathe this air

I feel like I should sleep
But sleep won't ever come
I feel like I should think
But thinking's just too hard
I feel like I should talk
But there's no one there
I feel like I should breathe
But I can't breathe this air

I feel like I should agree
But how can I do that?
I feel like I should stop
But my body won't
I feel like I should listen to my mind
But my ears don't want to hear
I feel like I should breathe
But I can't breathe this air

I feel like I should live
But that seems somewhat dim
I feel like I should have known
But I guess I didn't want to
I feel like I should give up
But I don't know if I can
I feel like I should breathe
But I can't breathe this air.

Tuesday, 26 June 2012


A shot to kill the pain
A pill to drain the shame
A purge to stop the gain
A cut to break the vein
A smoke to ease the crave
A drink to win the game
An addiction's an addiction,
'Cos it always hurts the same.


Playing with our white breath
Taking you, my love,
for a ride on my bike,
to go to our secret place.
Sitting down in an empty room,
with you and me, my love,
talking about "What if"s until the morning.
I long for you, my love.
I wish for you.
How many winters have passed since then?
We've seperated.
But the amongst the silly things we said that day,
My love, was,
"What if you were here with me right now?"

Monday, 25 June 2012


Hello there, the angel from my nightmare.

Here's a letter to you, so you understand.
You've been torturing me, having fun.
You know me inside out.
You know my fears.
My goals.
My aspirations.
You know me to the very cells in my bones.
And you give me dreams.
But, just so you know,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

You make me cry, but that's okay.
You make it so, so tempting.
You know me inside out.
You know my fears.
My goals.
My aspirations.
You know me to the very cells in my bones.
But you don't understand.
Self-harm is not for attention.
It's a silent scream.
It's killing your inner demons.
It's your most terrible thoughts, expressed on your own body.
It's just an addiction.

You don't understand me.
You don't understand what I do.
You know me inside out.
You know my fears.
My goals.
My aspirations.
You know me to the very cells in my bones.
But you can't see the pain you're causing.
People who die by suicide don't want to end their lives.
They just want to end their pain.
The pain you cause me, you cause them.
A temporary solution with a permanent effect.
Things don't need to last forever to be perfect.

Pointless, Poetry Block...







Authors's note: I was hoping this would give me an idea, well, it didn't... If you want me to delete this post, go ahead..

Friday, 22 June 2012

The middle man

When worlds collide, do humans cry?
Do we save ourselves, do we even try,
To clean the blood that's on our hands,
The blood which stains our seas and lands?
Why do we fire multiple shots
If we know they burn flesh, white hot?
Why do people casually ignore
The cries which penetrate blood and gore?
Why do people quarrel so much?
Why can't we get along and such?
The tears which leave slight traces down
In which innocent people drown.
Are we even innocent to begin,
or are we born for sinners' reign?
Who draws the line between dark and light,
The sun which chases away dark cold nights?
What is right and what is wrong?
The shouts which scream, "Alright, so long!"
They bury me, your cries of anger,
Why do you, your family, mangle?
What's this other purpose you hold,
to fight for "righteousness", is that so gold?
Why do you cry to me and to others,
if your problems are your own, I shudder.
Does it take a death to show,
That what you reap is what you sow?
What you sow is chaos now,
And in the end will chaos bow?
You don't know, and neither do I,
But all I can do is heave a big sigh,
And pray to heaven that it'll all be over.
Come back to me when you've blown your cover.

Wednesday, 20 June 2012


At first, it seemed, there were some cries,
Deceiving minds, whispering lies.
The cut in my wrist to set me free,
Dig deep in blood to find the key.
The timer, ticking, counting down,
The trap to break my delicate crown.
Burning me up, tearing apart,
Crows that call, "GIVE THE FUCK UP!"
Perspiration dripping wet,
It'll be fine, don't break a sweat.
But blood it drips and pain it wrecks
Standing still on a blood-stained deck
The ocean crashes below my feet
The sound, it seems, is so so sweet,
The sharp rocks glint in ocean spray
Salty air and waters pray
Please don't do it, please don't leave.
The lies life tells you has you deceived.
I've had enough, walking to the edge,
Who wants to feel like they're in a cage?
The brilliant sun calls to my soul,
Come, come, away from the world.
I scream and shout as I fall,
Heeding the glorious sun's call.
At first, it seemed, there were some cries.
Deceiving minds, whispering lies.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012


Ruble, rumble of road underneath
Traveling north, south, or east
A bump, a swerve, and go on again
An escapade to write with pencil or pen
The road turns left and so do I
An adventure, I tell you, is ever so nigh!
A mountain sight not far away,
And up over there lies a great, big bay!
Through the trees I see lake,
And crawling by, a great, big snake!
The road takes where it sees fit,
And I love every, little bit!
With big, blue sky or dark and grey,
I love both in every way!
The sights! The seas! The mountains high!
Take me everywhere beneath the sky!

To me

The chill of the night
The full moon's light
The dawn of the day
The sun's lazy ray
The song of the sea-
This is what you are to me.

The early morn dew
The sky, grey or blue
The lightening bolt
The strong, new colt
The sweet, little teddy-
This is what you are to me.

The bright, red rose
The heart-wrenching woes
The white, white snow
The never-ending low
The harbor, so misty-
This is what you are to me.

The scent of rain
The sudden, harsh pain
The stunning thrill
The nothing-but-still
The dreaming silently
This is what you are to me.

The depressing day
The sky of grey
The sad, weeping willow
The hugging of a pillow
The whimpering quietly-
This is what you are to me.

The doubtful present
The past, so pleasant
The future unknown
The shaky alone
The definite lonely-
This is what you are to me.

The confusing curtain
The fear of uncertain
The yes or the no?
The friend or the foe?
The thought of... maybe?
This is what you are to me.

The cloud hasn't lifted
The emotions, not sifted
The roller coaster goes on
The feelings aren't gone
The question- why is he...?
This is what you are to me.