This is a joint poem cowritten by me and Quinn. Grey lines are by Quinn. Blue by me.
Unbelievably Depressing Poem That May Make You Want To Eat Your Own Arm. You Have Been Warned!
I’ve got a door in my heart and a cupboard in my brain
Where I hide my depression, my anger and pain
The walls are dark, with no light inside
This is the place in which I hide.
When the world gets too much, when I run out of hope
When the fear gets a hold, when I no longer cope
Then let me stay here, let my outside seem strong
Let me cry behind the door, this is where I belong
I put on a brave face, I brush away a tear
I look like I’m happy, yet I’m nowhere near.
It’s hard to live but harder to die
So I remain in the middle, just barely alive
I look out on the world, but the world doesn’t care
Doesn’t care how I feel, how I live, how I fare
I’ve given up on prayer; I’ve given up on faith
I have nothing left. All I do is wait.
I wait for an answer, a miracle, a friend
I wait for the oncoming darkness to end
But that day never comes, so I stay behind the door
I shut it all in the cupboard, and hide that beneath the floor.
Where I scream at the voices, who whisper back to me
That you’ll never see the stars shine, nothing’s all you shall be
And I can’t help but see they’re right, the proof is in front of my eyes
I have people who say else wise, but those are just white lies
A comforting illusion, well meant but far too late
For failure’s all I ever do, my lifeblood and my fate
I’m not sure what life meant for me, but things never work out
So I try and trudge on, like a farmer in a drought
The words they buzz around my brain, but slip through mind and thought
Frustrating me and baiting me until I stop, distraught
My breathing quickens, my logic subsides
I’m lost and I’m confused. Any joy is cast aside.
You looked at me with pity, for a while, and then forgot,
That I’m still in need of comforting. I’m left alone to rot.
I don’t want to dwell in my self-pity, I want to be a good man
But this feeling overtakes me, and nothing ever goes to plan.
No matter how hard I try, never mind how much I serve,
I begin to think this punishment, is what I truly deserve.
And this becomes the truth, cold and hard and set in stone.
I’m a broken person. But moreover I’m alone.
So I’ll stay like this forever. I’ll weep, I’ll sob, I’ll cry.
I’ll languish in my battered mind. Til the very day I die.